sorry livejournal,
i don't mean to hurt your feelings,
but you're bothering me.


http://ringoismyboyfriend.blogspot.com

UGHHHHHH
I'M SO PISSED OFF.

I dropped my phone in a mug of hot chocolate,
because I'm a FUCKING idiot.
And apparently when I moved here I didn't bring any of my old phones with me,
so now I have no phone.

AND,
even if I DID have one of my old phones,
none of them have pretty boy's phone number in it.
:(


So,
I either have to go phone-less for a while,
spend money (that I don't have) on another phone,
or, um,
carry around a broken Blackberry for show.
Which I won't do,
I just needed a third option.


Pretty boy better come to Shreveport one day this week. :(

Haven't talked to pretty boy much.
Just a little here and there.
He's not a big text-messager like me... which means I've probably upset him, ha.
I send a zillion texts a day.

But on Friday he asked me to come to Fort Worth.
Ha!
Yeah right, I'm not taking my child on a 3 1/2 hour drive at 6:30 in the evening. I don't care how pretty you are.
So he said I should take Travis to Mom's, get in the car and start driving and he'd pay for everything.
But I said no.
Meh.
It sure was tempting though.
Truthfully, I wanted to go so badly.


Last night when I had just gotten in bed,
I heard a noise in the living room.
I came out and my door handle was jiggling and then I heard the deadbolt rattling.
And then it stopped for a second
and then
the deadbolt
turned
all the way
to the left
and unlocked.
I'm surprised I didn't freak out.
Instead I ran towards the door and locked it back again and held onto the handle and the lock as tight as I could.
I could feel someone trying to move the handle but then a dog barked outside somewhere and it sounded pretty close by, and I heard footsteps running away.
It was so weird, I almost thought I was dreaming.

But I wasn't.
I thought this was why I moved out of Highland?

So, I'm gonna keep this fairly specific-detail-free because, well, I'm tired.
And because I've now told this story a thousand times and I'm tired of telling it.

But, yesterday, I met pretty boy.
Not only did I meet him, I talked to him for my whole 15 minute break.
And at the end of my 15 minute break he asked me to meet him back down there again at 1:00.
Technically my lunch is at 12:30, but whatever, I took a late lunch. Bwahaha.
At the end of my lunch break he asked me what time I'd be back downstairs to smoke.
I told him my next break was at 2:40 but that I usually ended up taking it late.
So he gave me his phone number and said to text him when I was coming down so he could come downstairs too.
Let me emphasize this:
He gave me his phone number.
His phone number.
I have his phone number.
Bwahahaha.

Anywho.
He lives and mostly works in Fort Worth.
Meh.
But he has a house in White Oak that he stays at on the nights he has to come to Shreveport, which is only like once a week, because then he's only an hour away from here.
Yes, he's single.
No, he has no kids.
No, he's never been married.
And yes, he's even prettier when I'm less than a foot away from him than he was from several feet away down the alley.

We texted back and forth a lot last night but he was driving back to Fort Worth.
Tonight we texted back and forth again for a while but now I'm going to bed.

Goodnight.
:)

Twilight tomorrow.
I'm very excited.
Even though I've heard some people say it wasn't that great, but Justin liked it,
and I trust his judgment/opinion more than most people's.
And no, Savannah, don't get excited - I don't mean Justin the pretty boy from work. Haha.

Anyway I just finished the first book, finally.
I'm trying to decide if I want to start reading the second one now or if I want to finish watching the last season of Angel first.
I think I have only two or three episodes left, so I'll probably watch that first and give my eyes a break from reading.
Or I could quit being a lazy jackass and put on my glasses so the reading wouldn't bother me.
...Nah.
I rarely vote against laziness.
Anyway, so the damned book made me cry.
What.the.fuck.
I've read one other book in my entire life that's made me cry, and that was Wasteland, which made me cry because it was so fucking beautiful.
I guess that's the same for this one too, though.


Work really SUCKED today.
Sucked so bad I came home and immediately threw down a beer before I ate any dinner.
One of the women in my department applied for a supervisor position and got it.
I'm ecstatic for her, but I'm screwed now.
I don't know what I'm going to do without her.
I never have to follow behind her and check her work or worry about her--she's been doing her job for three fucking years and she knows everything about what she does.
What the hell am I going to do.
Oh yeah, on top of that, I was also reminded that one of my OTHER girls is leaving at the end of December to go back to school, which I'd completely forgotten about because she told me about this back in like September.
F U C K L I F E.
I'm so fucked it's not even funny. Completely screwed.
What the hell am I going to do now? I already work myself half to death most days as it is.

I guess now everyone up there can stop joking when they see me come in at 7 in the morning when they know I left at 6:30 the last night and they say, "What'd you do, stay the night?"
CUZ NOW I PROBABLY FUCKING WILL!
Screw looking for an apartment! I'll move into the 2nd floor of the goddamn American Tower building, what a FABULOUS idea, why didn't I think of it before?!

Ugh.
Fuck life.
It's the best.

Travis is being cranky and obnoxious and refuses to lay down.
He's starting to piss me off royally.
He keeps getting out of bed and sneaking in my room.
Grr.

Going apartment shopping again on Saturday.
This will probably be the last time I go.
My two last resort places are on the list.
They both have 2 bedrooms available.
So hopefully by the end of the day on Saturday I'll have a place to live and can start moving some of my shit.

Pretty boy at work's name is Justin.
He works on the 8th floor.
Ashley in the diner on the first floor of the building grilled this woman about him because she saw her standing with him talking to him one day.
Good grief.
How embarrassing.

I still keep calling him pretty boy though.
It's a habit.
I've seen him every day this week except today. Sigh, oh well.

More than half of the people on my Myspace keep talking about how they're going to see Twilight tonight at midnight.
And it's making me mad.
I really wanted to go.
But I couldn't since I've got the kiddo.
And now a friend of mine wants to take me on Saturday but he's already going tonight so I don't want to go with him.
Besides I have too much packing to do.
I'll just wait until another weekend to go probably.
Oh well.

So if anyone makes any posts about something that happens in the movie,
I'll kill them.
I haven't even finished the first book yet.
So just keep your mouth shut.

So, the duplex from last post turned out to be a one bedroom.
Great.

I may have to just bite the bullet and move back to Mom's.
I'm not excited.
Mom and I don't get along.
And Keith's still there.
But if I try to get a place, all I'll have money for is the rent and bills.
I won't be able to afford groceries,
I won't be able to do anything,
and Travis's Christmas will be non-existent, which makes me incredibly sad to think about.

So.
If I move home for a few months, I can save money.
Sigh.

I'm trying to be positive about this, I really am.

I think I may have found a place to live.
Thank God.

Since I was supposed to move in with Bob after my lease was up, I had already put in my 60 day notice to my landlord telling him I'd be leaving and not signing another lease.
Yeah, like a week later we broke up,
and James had already started showing my apartment to people.
So now, someone's already moving in.
Meaning I have to have somewhere to go by November 30th.

But I think I found something.
A friend of my mom's owns a duplex on Prospect, which is like, four blocks away from where I'm at now,
and she's about to evict the woman living in one part of the house.
So she's gonna see if she can get her out in time for me to move in, but we'll see.
I'm trying not to get too excited.

Lorne saw my pretty boy again Friday!! Damn her.
Well, assuming we're talking about the same guy anyway.
But he was going to the 12th floor, so either my pretty boy works up there somewhere, or she and Savannah have now seen the same guy and he isn't the one I'm talking about, haha.
I told Lorne next time she sees him in the elevator she needs to either ask him his name or take a picture of him with her phone, or she's fired.
Hah.
Unfortunately Lorne and I have kind of the same sense of humor so she just laughed at me and was kinda like uh-huh sure.
Damnit--it was supposed to scare her into being my spy!

So one of my girls at work thinks she saw my pretty boy on two of her breaks today after she asked me what he looked like and I told her.
Meaning, I'm changing my break schedule.
Ha.
Not really.
I'm not THAT sad.

Although I am sick of looking for a place to live.
I have 25 days.
Actually, now it's 24 days.
24 days to find somewhere to live or else I have to move back home.
Yeah no.
Not happening.

I haven't gotten more than 1-2 hours sleep a night all week.
I'm going to try to go to sleep in the next like 5 minutes.
That will at least give me 5 hours...
Sigh.

Still haven't seen the pretty boy.

Had a blast in New Orleans.

There's pictures on my Myspace.
I'll post tomorrow with more details.

If I'm not still too exhausted.


Go vote, bitches.
And if you try to say you don't have time, you're full of shit, cuz you have from 6 AM to 8 PM.
Even I'VE got the fucking time to vote.
And I ain't got no time for anything!

Night.

I'm determined to figure out who the hell that pretty boy at work is.
You know, once I actually see him again.
I'm a little tired of calling him "pretty boy."
He at LEAST needs a name.

Dear Savannah,
If you see him again,
Or, at least, see the one who you thought was him on the elevator,
Then your mission, should you choose to accept it,
Is to find out his damn name!
And if he's the same guy!
Ask him if he's constantly being watched by some random chick on his smoke breaks.
Haha.


Two more days until we leave for New Orleans.
I'm super excited now.
It's allllllllmost here.
The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the drive.
Blecch.


OK, just one more episode of Angel, and then I'm going to sleep.
That's it, one more.
....Hopefully.

Dear self,

On Thursday before you leave for N.O., don't forget to:
Finish cleaning out your car
Get your oil changed
Maybe possibly go look at apartments for a little bit
Oh and uh check your bank account, heh.


I'm excited.
Even if Gary ISN'T going.
True,
being the "3rd wheel" type may not be quite as fun as it could otherwise be,
but for all I know,
it will be more fun.
And if it's not,
I'll just have to MAKE it more fun, damnit!
Besides,
I always have fun with Becca n Chuck,
so I figure the fun's obviously not completely ruined.
Yay.
Excited = me.


So why can't I stop feeling like crap about it?
I feel like someone isn't telling me something.

Bob and I broke up on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.
So now that he isn't living here, every night I have a hard time falling asleep because if I hear a noise, any noise at all,
I freak out and get all paranoid.
I can't even walk through my hallway at night without looking behind me every two seconds.
Or walking backwards.
I'm terrified of this apartment now, and I dunno why, I wasn't like this before.
I guess you just get used to having someone else there.

This Friday is Halloween.
Thursday me, Becca, Chuck and Gary are going down to New Orleans and staying Thursday and Friday night.
I'm excited, I've never been, and we're staying at the Hilton in the French Quarter.
Yay.

I'm off to bed.
Goodnight, lj.

I retract my previous statement about coming from a family of Republicans.


They're communists.
I'm pretty sure.

My aunt has got an entire line of friends and some distant family all riled up with her damn need to hit the "Reply All" button on her e-mail every time she wants to come back at someone with MORE reasons why Obama is evil.
But at the end of her last e-mail, she was kind enough to give us permission to start deleting her e-mails without reading them if they were annoying us.
I just may start doing that--thank GOD she gave us permission to do so, otherwise I'd have to sit there and continue to read her incessant ramblings about how we're ALL so wrong about the McCain/Palin brigade.
But ya know, I'm finding it a little hard to look away from them.
I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Oh no wait.
I just like to laugh!
It's almost amusing to the point of being CUTE how strong her faith is in the man who actually had the balls to say, "I'm not George Bush," even though he really hasn't done much at all to prove otherwise.
My mother is the same way.

I figure if McCain becomes president,
I'm moving to Europe.
They're probably mocking us right now anyways.
They always enjoy watching Americans make stupid decisions and then want to blame someone else when they turn out to be, well, stupid decisions.

If I were them, I'd enjoy watching America fall apart from the inside-out too.
Right on, Europe.

Something is wrong with my comma key. It keeps sticking.
Damnit.

So, (aha I see it's working SOMETIMES--grr)
I hope I have something to do this weekend.
Tried calling Becca earlier to talk to her because I couldn't at work earlier
but she wasn't home, maybe at a football game.
Dunno.
Hopefully I can go hang out with her this weekend,
but I dunno if mom is watching the kiddo or not.
Bob said he's kinda tired of going over there every weekend.
I asked him why.
He said he doesn't know.
I asked if it was something to do with Becca and/or Chuck, he said no.
He said he thinks it's cuz of all the people who are always there, people he doesn't really know.
I don't get it. Get to know them then.
I like them.
I mean, sometimes there are some REALLY random people there that no one really knows or maybe like one person knows,
and then it's just kinda like... huh?
But other than that, I like them, I like having new people to talk to and stuff so that everyone isn't just hanging out with the same one or two people all night like how it used to be when there would be lots of people over there.
Then he said something about he gets sick of watching these random guys staring at me when I'm not looking but he notices it and it pisses him off.
Then punch them in the face--what do you want me to do about it?
They stare at Becca too, and you don't see Chuck getting all mad, but if he did, who would be the first one to let them know about it? CHUCK.
If something you're doing is pissing him off, you'll know.
And if something you're doing involving his wife is pissing him off, you'll certainly know.
I don't get it.

He doesn't even want to go to N.O. next weekend.
I dunno why. I'm super excited though since I've never been, and last time I talked to Chuck he seemed super excited too.
Becca seems like she's trying to force herself to be excited, but I don't think she really is either.
Hopefully once we all get down there, they'll enjoy themselves.

I'm excited to hang out with B&C that weekend, cuz we'll get to hang out in the hotel and on the drive down there and stuff. Yayyyy.
I miss my Becca n Chuck.
They have all these new friends now, and I'm glad, because they're cool people that I enjoy hanging out with too.
But sometimes I miss the "old days," when Chuck would tell everyone else that they weren't doing anything that night so no one would come over except me and we'd hang out all night and play Trivial Pursuit (wtf, so random, it was great, I suck at that game) and drink Chuck's pina coladas and sit in their bed and listen to music. And end the night with Voyager. Ha. I'd have dreams about that show. Good grief.

How time distorts things. It's lame.

And there are pictures on my Myspace.
I'm not re-posting them here.
Go to my Myspace photos and find the 2nd birthday party album.
If you want.
Whatev.

He had a great time.
Even Big Travis showed up! With a gift for the baby!
(Becca, if you're reading this, I know you're going, WHOA, wtf. Yeah, we were pretty surprised too!)
It was a good time.
The kids played on the playground afterwards.
I, like always, wish I'd taken more pictures.
Well, I did, but they didn't all come out very good.
Or they had my brother in them, trying to get in the way of the camera so that he'd be the only person in the picture,
which pissed me off.
Soooo yeah.

I bought Travis a shitload of presents, not to mention all the crap for the party.
I'm pretty much broke now.
I got him a little table and chairs set,
a new sleeping bag for school (it's totally rockin, it's got Lightning McQueen on it--he'll have the coolest naptime mat in his class, duh),
a SUPER rad MLB toddler bed set with a comforter, flat sheet, fitted sheet and pillowcase (I'm still hoping he'll play baseball),
a Hooked on Phonics "smart stick," whatever the hell that means.
A couple new movies,
a teddy bear with a pumpkin,
a super cool LSU hoodie,
some clothes, new PJ's,
a Wow Wow Wubbzy (he loves that damn show) coloring and sticker book,
blahblahblah.
He was excited.

I'm taking a nap.
I'm the only one awake in the house.
It's peaceful and all,
but it's making me even more sleepy than I already was from being outside at the park for four hours.

Today is my baby boy's 2nd birthday.
:)

He's the best ever.

Work just got harder as of today.
One of my girls quit.
Out of nowhere.
I was pretty pissed.
Am pretty pissed.
But will get over it, will be OK.
It's just going to make my life hell for the next few weeks.
I probably won't sleep, ever.
I'll spend every moment I can at work, like I did before.

Damnit.


Waiting for Boyfriend to get home from work.
We were supposed to go to my dad's tonight because Dad wants to meet him.
But once again, at the last minute,
he found out he has to work the 2pm-10pm shift all week because of some jackass's vacation.
I'm so sick of his job.
Part of HIS particular job is that he has to cover people's vacation days because he's the only one who can do like, everything.
OK, that's cool and all,
but my thing is,
why the fuck do they ALWAYS wait until the FIRST DAY of some idiot's vacation time to tell him he has to cover it?
I know that any vacation days up there have to be put in for 2 weeks in advance, because he's told me that.
So if they had 2 weeks of warning,
why the fuck doesn't he find out about it until the first day?
Pisses me off.
So I had to go over to Dad's without him, and Dad was kinda bummed, he was looking forward to meeting him.
Screw his job, I wish he'd quit and go somewhere else, but he won't.
Pisses me off.


Everything pisses me off.
I've accepted this fact.

Decided to stay up all night, go to work early, like I often do.
Once a week, usually, although I didn't do it last week at all.
Whatever.

Through various stories from friends and old "friends" who have found me online lately,
I've come to realize that a lot of people want an apology from me for something.
Something I did a long time ago,
whether it be to them,
or someone I know,
or something I did to myself that hurt them because they "cared."
You know what I say to them?

get.over.it.and.get.out.of.my.face.
No, really.
I'm not apologizing for anything.
If I did something wrong to you five years ago, EAT IT.
Mark it as a no-win situation on your scorecard if it will help your ego better than marking a loss.
I don't even care if it was two years ago, or even one.
If you've been holding onto it for that long, you need more than an apology from me, you probably need a lobotomy,
or some sort of personality transplant.
Suck it up.
Grow a pair.
And deal with your own life, stay the hell out of mine.
Don't find me on Myspace just to piss me off because I "ruined" your life a zillion years ago.

Here's a tip, people, and this is the truth:
No one can ruin your life unless you let them.
If you feel that someone has ruined your life and you DIDN'T let them, think about it long and hard.
It was probably teetering over the edge to begin with.
They just had the courtesy to go ahead and shove you off.

I say courtesy,
because it was probably courteous to the rest of the world.
Go buy a new life or something.
I don't care about your problems.
No, really, I don't.

a word of advice, sweetie,
next time you want to trashtalk me for seven minutes to a total stranger,
make sure she's not my best friend first.
and the fact that you think the best thing for my son would be if child protection came and took him away from me,
just proves that you're obviously an idiot.
you know nothing about me and my son.
i am not a drunk.
i am not a bad mother.
i do not hang out with drunks.
i am a responsible, strong person who takes wonderful care of her child.
if i were an irresponsible mom, you'd still be my friend.
after all, the whole reason i stopped talking to you was because you wouldn't stop smoking pot in my face while i was pregnant, even though i asked you not to.
yep, i'm a completely horrible mother, you're sooooo right.
cunt.


so,
last night, hung out at becca's,
had fun,
up until the very end when travis and i got in a huge fight.
i was sitting in the rolling chair and he accidentally made me roll right into the computer desk,
hitting my collarbone on the edge of the desk.

when you weigh 110 pounds, your collarbone has a tendency to stick out a little bit.
so it hurt really bad.
there's a huge bruise on my collarbone and it hurts like hell.

and he was completely rude about it.
i knew it was an accident.
i didn't get mad about the fact that it happened, i didn't think he did it on purpose.
but he didn't even care or acknowledge the fact that i was in real pain.
bitch.

whatever.